Pushing Water Uphill Length of initial course – 12 sessions
Daniel Picave’s individual coaching and counselling is available to anyone who is struggling. How struggling is defined is initially up to client – mental health, letting go of the past, relationships, career, goal setting, the client brings the symptoms, Daniel Picave helps identify the remedy.
Daniel Picave coaching and counselling has welcomed lots of people through its doors. The emphasis is always on the client in front of us rather than whoever came before or whoever comes after. This is one such story.
Gemma came to Daniel Picave coaching and counselling because everyday she felt like she was pushing water uphill. She felt unfulfilled in every aspect of her life and unable to find the energy to make improvements. She had always had difficulty maintaining a relationship with a partner and therefore had a string of failed attempts behind her.
The single most effective tool that Daniel Picave brought to Gemma’s sessions was listening. After a couple of sessions, Gemma opened up and really began to share her hopes and fears, her experiences and her demons. Just having someone listen to her and help her to rationalise her thoughts proved so valuable to Gemma.
Over the course of 8 sessions with some homework undertaken by Gemma in-between, she came to better understand herself. Her counsellor gave her some tools and methods to use to help combat the self-doubt and improve her opinion of herself. Many of the obstacles Gemma saw in her life were removed simply by confronting them and recognising them for what they were, manifestations of self-doubt.
Gemma has left us now and is making strides in her own life. She tells us that she is going to book some more sessions in a few months to review and build some more. If she feels she needs to do that, Daniel Picave looks forward to seeing her. If she feels she is living her life without our input, that is more than ok too.
Collapsing Worlds Length of course – 8 sessions
Daniel Picave has worked with several companies and organisations in the important are of corporate wellness. An employer’s obligation to own the health and welfare of its employees leads to a healthier workplace and the foundation for a more successful business.
Daniel Picave coaching and counselling has been conscious for a number of months about the growing mental health issues arising out of the change in working patterns as a result of the Covid-19 pandemic. The decision by businesses to enact home working on their employees has brought about several unforeseen issues. Many employers are now recognising the cost benefits of home working particularly on estate costs but what is the cost on employees?
This is Steve’s story.
Prior to the onset of the pandemic and the lockdown protocols, Steve was a face in a crowd of millions of similar employees. He was a senior manager with a large organisation. He was based at a regional head office. He had a wife and children. He went to work every morning during the week. Occasionally he went in on a Saturday morning to catch up. He had the trappings of success. A nice home albeit with a mortgage; a nice car provided by the company; a nice family; a nice circle of friends which he shared with his wife; another circle of friends which shared his love of golf and a third circle of friends sourced through work.
Steve was gregarious, loud, jovial, hardworking, confident in his abilities and comfortable in his skin. During an assessment carried out by Daniel Picave of managers who were working from home, Steve came to our attention. His employer was taking the responsible stance of just giving its homeworkers the opportunity to talk to an independent body in confidence. The assessment was carried out in the employee’s home or a nominated meeting point observing lockdown protocols. Daniel Picave was then tasked with collating all the comments and concerns along with our recommendations into a report. No individual employee was singled out or identified for the comments or criticisms they had made.
During the debrief at the end of the assessment, Daniel Picave identified two employees who we felt were struggling with the new environment and warranted he opportunity for additional engagement. The two employees were not named at this stage. The employer sanctioned a budget to allow Daniel Picave to engage with the two employees. Steve was one.
Steve was invited to attend counselling which, with some reluctance at first, he did. Working with our counsellor, Steve reviewed his life to better understand why home working was such a struggle for him. Over the course of a number of sessions as Steve came to trust the counsellor and open up, it became clear that the issue was a feeling of collapsing worlds for Steve. He had thrived in a pre-lockdown world of a work life, a family life, and a golf life.
These three worlds gave him opportunity to express himself in the many ways he wanted to. What he saw as the merging of his home world with his work world when he was forced to work from home impacted heavily upon him. He felt restrained. He could not be the loud, arrogant, bawdy character he was in the office because his wife was in earshot. He was connecting with zoom meetings and making little contribution because his blunt interjections were inappropriate to be voiced in his home.
Daniel Picave worked with Steve over a few sessions to redefine his boundaries, his behaviour and help him establish new arenas where he could once more be himself.
When Peter Lost Sandra Length of course – 12 weeks
Grief is an entirely natural reaction to the loss of someone close to you. At Daniel Picave coaching and counselling, we give everyone who approaches us to undergo grief therapy, plenty of space and time to exhaust the natural process before we intervene. Grief comes in so many forms and as the result of so many triggers.
Here is Peter's Story.
Sandra and Peter had known each other for twenty years. They met at work and quickly became involved in an extra-marital relationship. Over the course of the next twenty years, they continued to conduct a relationship whilst remaining married to their respective husband and wife. The decision not to end their marriages was driven by the involvement of children and the desire not to disrupt them.
A year ago, Sandra was diagnosed with an aggressive Cancer which was beyond treatment at the point of being discovered. Sandra spent a large proportion of the last year of her life in a hospice where it was difficult for Peter to see her, but he managed to keep in touch as best he could. Sandra had died 3 weeks ago when Peter contacted Daniel Picave. His inability to engage with the grieving process was palpable. Peter had effectively stopped himself from grieving in order that his secret was not revealed but the impact of that action was causing him immense mental anguish and pain.
Working with Daniel Picave over the next few weeks, Peter slowly overcame the tasks of mourning. He came to accept the reality of the loss. He worked hard to process the pain of the grief and adjust to a new world without Sandra. Finally, he formulated a connection with Sandra which he could take comfort from as he embarked on his new life.
Complicated grief is exactly that, complicated and sometimes grief therapy allows you to unpick the stitches of the situation and better understand what is happening. The role of Daniel Picave coaching and counselling is not to judge our client but to form an alliance with them to resolve the conflict.
Prevent Don't Repair Length of course – 8 sessions
We live our lives through relationships. Relationships with our parents, our siblings, our peers and eventually, relationships with lovers, partners, husbands, and wives. Daniel Picave coaching and counselling provides relationship therapy to individuals and couples at all the stages of the relationship cycle. Those who are just setting out together, those who have been together for years and those who are considering ending their relationship.
Daniel Picave coaching and counselling is an advocate of preventative maintenance in relationships. Just as you have your car serviced to hopefully prevent breaking down on the side of the road, so having your relationship serviced can prevent the need for repair at some later stage. The stories featured here are of two couples. The first have been together for 6 months and are thinking of moving in together. The second have been living together for 9 years and are thinking of splitting up.
These accounts are in the words of the client.
“I had had a long-term relationship before. It lasted 4 years and we just packed everything we could into those 4 years. Living together, children, a mortgage, debt, we really went for it. It ended badly. The bit in the middle, the ‘I love you’ bit could not take the weight of the rest. As a single Mum when I met Paul, I was very cautious, almost scared. We dated but I was very arm’s length for a long time.
It was Paul who suggested we go to counselling. I said I did not realise he thought we had problems. He said he didn’t think we had problems but he appreciate I had reservations, so he wanted some professional help to work through those.
It was the best thing I have ever done. We got to have fights in a controlled environment. I told him everything I didn’t like about him and everything I knew he would become. He told me all the things he didn’t like about me and his reservations for the future. Then we explored all the things we liked and appreciated about each other and they far out-numbered the negative stuff. Some of the stuff he said was really sweet.
We talked about goals and empowerment and tolerance and resilience. I didn’t know what any of those things were, but I know now. We are stronger. We are more aware. He knows he will never be the Father, but he can be a fantastic Dad. I think we will do this again just to check how we are doing.”
“Karen and I had been together for 9 years and the cracks were beginning to show. She mentioned one day that she was thinking about leaving. It came as a bolt out of the blue. I begged her to reconsider and suggested therapy to fix us. The first thing that was said to us at the first session was that therapy would not fix us if we did not want to be fixed. The counsellor then went on to say that neither of us could truly know if we wanted to stay or go until we had analysed our relationship through exploration.
Some of the sessions were extremely uncomfortable. No-one wants to hear about their failures or how they have let someone else down. It got heated at times, but Daniel Picave seemed to manage it. The counsellor would say you can’t express pain in a whispered tone, and he was right.
I went into counselling believing we were ok and Karen went in wanting us to be dismantled. After a few sessions, we kind of arrived at the same place. I recognised that we needed to fix some stuff and Karen recognised that maybe she wanted to try too. We will see what happens.”