When The Honeymoon Is Over
Posted on 13th December 2020 by Daniel Picave
Relationships go through cycles and whilst the early cycles are fun and exciting and invariably teased with romance, life calms down. It is upsetting and disrupting when you come to realise that possibly the relationship is slipping away and drawing to a natural end.
At Daniel Picave Coaching & Counselling, our relationships therapy helps couples and individuals recognise the erosion of romance and adoration. Within the sanctity of the session, we then decide whether the end is coming or whether we are simply taking our emotions for granted and the relationship can be salvaged and re-ignited.
Hurt didn't it? Everything hurts at the moment but you felt that as barbed and dismissive. It wasn't meant to be. It was banter, jocular exchange but it hurt you, didn't it?
“I was okay before you, I coped so I will do again”, the words cut into you like a cavalry sabre, didn't they? There you were searching for some indication of appreciation and you got cut, wide open and dismissed as unnecessary.
You live for the appreciation, the gratitude, we all do but adoration gives way to expectation and expectation gives way to complacency. The expression that first time was priceless. The gesture unexpected, the execution, so humble, the sentiment, so sincere. The warmth, such warmth.
The months roll by and the gesture is delivered diligently, with absolute care, with a gift wrapping of affection and thought but the warmth, the warmth has gone. Expectation comes with no shine, no glitz, no sparkle. Expectation comes with time. I know, you remember the words as if they were spoken yesterday.
“I love that you come here on your day off just to do this for me.” And you do. The need to care, the need to marshal good things, adoring things, well-being things into a space that they share is important to you. More important than the diluting of acknowledgement and appreciation that starves you a little more each time.
In their defence they are busy, they are embroiled in a labyrinth of unknown and self doubt. They notice you when the alleyways and side streets widen into an avenue for a short while and allow them some respite. They notice you when the troubles and the turmoil subside for a moment, they notice you. A smile, a moment of affection, a warmth between you.
Then the alleyways and side streets of a cluttered agenda rise up again and you step back into the shadows; unwavering, unmoving, a rock, a silent, monolith ensuring that the waves do not sweep them away, not ever while you have their hand in yours.
How will they break the habit of adoration? With expectation. Not deliberately, not with some malicious hand but with the natural erosion of expectation rubbing gently against adoration in the tides of life. Expectation is endless but adoration is a delicate anemone on the sea bed and quickly rubbed away to nothing.
I know, they are the last for you before you resign yourself to long walks on lonely stretches of sand and eventually succumbing to the weir. But you are the current one for them and that suggests there will be significant others after you to erode your memory and steal the warmth of any gesture you ever shaped. They will forget.
They will forget the strength, the scent of your adoration, the gravity of your generosity, the depth of your devotion. They will forget. They will forget you in part or in whole.
Tagged as: Coaching & Counselling
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