Angels and demons... 
 
Why are we so incapable of communicating with each other? 
 
Let me tell you about Jane & Mike (not their real names). 
 
Jane had a gorgeous baby boy 10 months ago. There was some trauma surrounding the birth and Jane has been wrestling with that ever since. 
 
Mike is her partner of 2 years. He works hard to provide for the family and he is a keen motocross rider. 
 
They have been fighting pretty constantly since the baby was born. Mike tries to defuse the situation by going out on his motorbike so he is not in Jane's face. 
 
They realise they need some help and arrive in my suite. I leave them to talk to me and each other and I predominantly just listen for an hour. 
 
Mike says he feels second place to the baby most of the time. Jane says she feels like she is drowning. 
 
Mike says he feels himself only when he is on his bike. Jane says she sometimes feels like she does not want to be here anymore. 
 
Mike says he feels nothing he does is good enough for her and she never wants to leave the house or make an effort with herself like make up or doing her hair. Jane says she is only breathing because her baby needs her. 
 
The words I shared with Mike about Jane's post natal depression hit him like a tonne of bricks. 
 
He did not realise that when the baby had breathing difficulty for the first 3 minutes of his life, Jane blames herself for that. 
 
He did not realise that Jane relives the trauma of those 3 minutes over and over again in her mind, every day. 
 
He did not realise that the reason he feels second place to the baby is because he is. Jane needs to focus every moment on ensuring those first 3 minutes don't happen again. 
 
He did not realise that every time he goes out to defuse the situation, Jane feels he is abandoning her and the baby and will not come back. 
 
Mike cried as the realisation hit him. Jane cried as a small amount of the weight lifted. We will see them every week in our suite for a while and we will speak to them every few days to ensure they have the sun on their faces. 
 
Sometimes we need to stop feeling like the angel and accept that maybe we are contributing as the demon too. 
 
Tell someone you love them today. Tell someone you are sorry. 
 
#counselling #danielpicave #selflove #trauma #selfloveaffirmations #couplestherapy 
 
 
 
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